it seems like all we do now is fight.
which really pisses me off more, because i dont want to.
i want us to be friends like we were before.
i want us to be able to co-exist.
i've moved on.
he's moved on.
i will love him for the rest of my life, he was my first real love, nothing will change that.
but im not delusional.
i just still want him in my life, because he was such a big part of it.
i dont understand why he has to be a dick all of the time. he might htink he's being funny.. but it really upsets me. now im at the point where i really just dont even want to talk to him. and i think thats what hurts the most. i cant take his sarcasm and bullshit anymore. i cant take his phone calls at early hours.. because i miss talking to him, and then the next day he's a jerk again.
anyways. i went in for more bloodwork today, which was awesome fun. i made theresa come with me, that way i could break somebody elses hand other than my own.
the nurse is like "you're honestly this scared of a needle, yet you have a tattoo right on your arm"
theresa just laughs.. " okay, then i wont tell you about the other six she has!!"
ITS NOT THE FREAKEN SAME! I chose to get the tattoos! not to mention it feels TOOOOOOOOOOTALLY different!
then we went for some dinner, sat around waiting for her mom to get off work, took her home, went for coffee, had showers, then went to the duck for a drink.
we've been camera whoring our asses off the whole night.
i dont know why, nothing special happened, just felt right.
RELAX THERESA, JUST LET IT HAPPEN... ACCEPT IT.
and she wakes up the next morning, and her ass hurts.
anyways, im awaiting the pictures from theresa, then goin to bed. i'd normally stay up and wait for him to come back online.. cuz thats the only time we get to talk while he's out of town. but i find myself looking forward to it, so im cutting myself off.
danielle says to me "what the hell is with that? guys always want you when they have girlfriends.. what the fuck?"
my simple answer:
"im a homewrecker."
buuuuuuuut i wont be this time. he's too perfect and beautiful and smart and.. *drools*.. built and wow...
i've promised myself i wont date, so im not going to. im not going to put any ideas into his head, or mine.